The internet is being slow again. And that's the thing, it's only slow on my modem. The same exact modem with the same exact plan in the same exact location with 4-5 more connections than mine has faster internet.
This brings back the theory I have made as a reaction to many events in my life. It's called the "Technology Hates Me" theory. If you hang out with me often enough, you'll hear this plenty of times.

It works like this.
>Subject Cheese purchases/acquires some form of technological object/service.
>Subject Cheese gains information and knowledge of said object/services and learns of their capabilites
>Subject has the expectation that they will perform according to said capabilities and operate to the degree they should
>Subject uses technological object/service.
>Subject experiences disappointment in it's failure to reach said capabilities
>Subject experiences severe cases of distress, anger, frustration and sorrow.

Example one.
My laptop has more than enough capability to play Mass Effect 2. It surpasses not only the required settings, but also the recommended. It cannot. It lags to an unplayable state.

Example two.
I believe my laptop was bragged on to have a LOT of battery power. I think it was 4-5 hours? I have 2-3 hours.

Example three.
My internet is suppose to get speeds of up to 10mb/s. I realize there's an "up to". But also know that the average "low" speed everyone is complaining about in the forums is 3mb/s. I get 1.2mb/s to 0.3mb/s.

Example four.
My internet connection, though having 4/5 bars of connectivity, often simply ceases internet connection. Not the connection to the modem, just the internet. (Though it often loses connection to the modem too, just to watch me drown in my own tears. Keep in mind that the modem has not moved. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. It's just that some God of Technology said "You know what'd be really cool? If I tortured the shit out of this kid. Like.. So much. FREAKIN' HILARITY WILL ENSUE." But I digress.) This also occurs on my Xbox 360. I have full connection, but I often get disconnected from Xbox Live anyway.

Example five.
My phone often does not give me the ability to read my newest messages from the list. (If I ignore your texts, this is most likely why). There isn't a problem with the hardware, I don't think. It still works most times. But sometimes the universe just thinks I'm too nice of a guy and tries to pummel my brain into negativity.

Example six.
My iTouch. I know there is a big crack on the screen (from falling like.. a metre or less. Terrible reason to crack, you should be ashamed, iTouch) but it doesn't even affect anything on the screen. It works perfectly. EXCEPT maybe the fact that it will hardly ever turn on when you click the home button. You need to click the Lock button instead. This, however, isn't a good fix for when you want to go to the home screen quickly, and the button just doesn't work. Since we're on the topic of iTouch[es], none of my apps will update. None of them. No, they all just fail. THEY FAIL LIKE THEY FAIL TO ACHIEVE MY RESPECT. I HATE YOU APPS. I HATE YOU TO DEATH.

Example seven.
My Xbox 360 controller's batteries. They're supposed to be charge and play. You're supposed to be able to CHARGE THEM. NOPENOPENOPE. As a result, I have concluded that the batteries will never charge and are therefore simply unnecessary weight. I have fixed this problem by removing the battery, and connecting only the charging wire. However, that destroys the point of a wireless controller.



The point is that I hate my internet and you should too. The end.


Also, since the internet is constantly being stupid, I'm starting to believe the world just doesn't want me on so often, so I am considering just lowering my usage of the internet to only when it is working fine.

_{Also, I went to a pop-culture convention today and it was really grand and I saw some really awesome cosplays and saw some very cute/pretty girls. Also the universe realised I got a bit too happy and made me have a heavy nosebleed out of nowhere.}


May the Winds of Fortune Slap You in the Face Gently But Fast Enough To Hurt A Bit
- Cheese